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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?